Would you like to know what really gets my panties in a wad? Having a husband who makes such a big deal about watching his own kids, that’s what!
I work all week, 24/7 and when I finally get invited to go grab a bite with my girlfriends- friends I never see anymore- he acts like I want to take a one week vacation and screams: Foul.
I’ve had it. I know he works. I know he pays the bills and brings home the bacon. But guess what, I clip coupons for the bacon, I shop for the bacon, I cook the bacon, and I clean the damn pans! Get the frigging picture!
But I rarely get to eat the bacon. Hell, I rarely get to eat.
This Is How I Really Feel!
How many times did you get to eat lunch out last week? If I recall correctly- it’s every single workday you get to. Oh sure, call it client meetings, call it a working lunch, call it anything you want. The point is you still got to go to a place that fixed you food and didn’t require you to buy it at the store, cook it, and then clean up the mess after you ate it.
Do I get to go somewhere different for lunch? Not unless eating cheerios with plastic teacups on the playroom floor while I’m nursing a 6 month old counts as different. That was my client meetings this week- 5 working lunches with a set of 3 year old twins.
By the way, when you left this morning pissed off because we had run out of coffee, saying,”Well, dammit, now I guess I’ll have to stop at Starbucks”. Do you know I wanted to smash your face in? I would love for my morning to start out badly with a steaming cup of Vanilla Latte’.
But oops, I never made it to the grocery store yesterday because I was too busy cleaning up vomit from our 9 year old who had the stomach flu. Of course you wouldn’t know that, because you slept through the night while I was inserting pedia-lax enemas to keep him from getting dehydrated. Have you ever placed a suppository at 3am into a rectum the size of a pencil eraser?
A Little Bit About Butt Holes
I don’t enjoy working with them. And right now, I really regret marrying one.
So here’s how it’s going to shake out. You will stop at the grocery store on your way home from work. I’ll text you a list of what we need. You will then have the pleasure of unloading the bags, putting up the food, and preparing a healthy meal for you and your four children. Then you can clean it up. You will then be able to spend quality time with them reading and practicing with flash cards (Lily and Sophie are learning colors). Jeff has a school project due tomorrow. He hasn’t started it yet.
You then get to bathe the small ones and get them to bed. If you haven’t changed Jake’s diaper by now, I’d suggest you do it. Next you can start on the laundry. I left the bed sheets from Jeff’s room last night. Don’t forget to peel off any crusty parts before you throw it in the washing machine.